Esther ( Vessel of the Lord)

I am old now. My garments are white and my head lacks no ointment, save the one by my bed from which the flies send forth a stench. More bitter than death am I whose heart you ensnared and whose hands you bound. Would that it pleased God that I should escape the sins that consume me.
“Curse not the King, no not in thy thought; and curse not the rich in thy bedchamber…” So said my uncle to me as I knelt before him. And I did not curse the King but my own inheritance. Uncle, I forgive you your trespasses. I know oppression can make a wise man mad. A good name is better than precious ointment, but you bid me conceal mine.
My youth and fairness pleased the keeper of women. For twelve months I purified myself, six months with oil of myrrh and six months with sweet odours for one night with the king and then to return to the house of the concubines. But, being youthful and fair, more than all other virgins, the King of the Gentiles cast out his queen and set her crown on my humbled head.
You sat in the King’s gate. Did it not warm your heart to see me soar? You brought me tales of conspiracy. Uncle, I reproach thee not for you swallowed fire into your belly when you sold my maidenhead.
Because you informed the conspirators were hanged and the prince of princes set you on the royal horse and led you forth for the King delighted to honor you.
And so, the earth has seen servants upon horses and princes walking as servants. Yet still, as I lie here the stench from the flies in the ointment nauseates, and I think, was it not as God ordained?
You would not bow down to the King’s favorite. Vanity. How you stirred up his wrath. You bid me approach my lord to reverse the genocide his prince conspired against you. Trepidation seized me lest I lose my own life like my people outside the gates. I fasted three days and went into the King. I pleaded your case against the prince of princes and the King hearkened to me. In the morning his vassal swung from the gallows he had built himself, but for you.
Now you were prince among princes for the King raised you up. He gave you free reign. And when our brethren had slain seventy and five thousand you declared a day of gladness in the month of Adar.
Then you sought the wealth of our people and spoke peace to all your seed. But I was your brother’s seed. I am old now, Uncle. I thought that God would set the world in my heart but you set it on my head and who can make straight what you have made crooked? I sought to know wisdom but knew only madness and folly. No ointments and perfumes rejoice my heart. For what vow can one bring the hire of a whore into the house of the Lord?

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